Relationship Communication Tips Inspired by the Dog Whisperer

What kind of energy do you put out to your partner? Is it calm assertive, calm submissive, or angry and aggressive? National Geographic Channel's Cesar Millan-also known as the dog whisperer-has a lot to teach us about how to interact with the dogs in our lives. His lessons can also inspire us in our human relationships and how to communicate and connect.

One of Millan's themes is that he rehabilitates the dogs and trains the humans. Take a minute and think about how you've learned to interact with not only your dog (if you live with one) but with your love. Perhaps you watched and adopted similar communication habits as your parents demonstrated? It could also be that the past relationships you've had shaped your ways of interacting with a partner in particular ways. Ask yourself how effective the ways you communicate with your love are. You can always re-train yourself and learn new ways to communicate for connection.

The beliefs you hold about yourself-your sense of self-worth and inner strength (or lack of it)-can have a huge effect on how you communicate and act or react in your relationship. If you don't respect yourself, how can another respect you? Of course many of us have insecurities and our mate is the natural place to look for support. But no matter how much he or she may want to, your partner cannot truly make you feel good about yourself. Only you can do this for you. As you open up to loving, respecting and honoring yourself, you will likely see positive effects in your relationship.

What kind of energy do you communicate?
With just about every family he works with, Cesar helps the humans learn how to be calm assertive leaders of the pack with their dogs. According to Cesar's philosophy, dogs won't respond in a healthy way when you discipline using anger, yelling or hitting. In his book, Cesar's Way, Millan writes that the language of energy is how humans and dogs communicate. Whether you are aware of it or not, a dog (or any animal) will pick up on the energy you are putting out. If you feel fear that the dog will attack you or another animal, it will be felt and the dog will react accordingly. If you don't step up and calmly assert your leadership with the dog, again, he or she will know.

In the very same way, the love of your life can sense the energy you are feeling. You may claim to be ok with your mate's decision to go out with his or her friends for drinks, but if you aren't truly at ease with this, it will be apparent energetically. Sometimes when we are fearful we get angry and aggressive. None of these energies will help you and your partner resolve a conflict. Instead, clarity about what you want and calmness as you communicate it will help bring you two closer together as you create a solution that fits both your needs.

Are you allowing?
How much do you allow your love to be who he or she truly is? Another piece of Cesar Millan's philosophy is that, especially in North America, humans tend to treat dogs as miniature humans. Not only do we sometimes dress up our dogs in human-like clothing, we also expect dogs to have the same exact needs and psychologies as we do. Millan claims that this is a root cause of many dog problems. He even has a dog rehabilitation center in South L.A. where his pack of calm submissive dogs helps troubled dogs learn how to be dogs again.

Now we all know that we and our partners are human. But do we really allow each other to be the unique and special human beings we each are? Probably not. No matter how much your mate's habits get on your nerves, that is part of who he or she is right now. You don't have to agree with your love's politics to have a great relationship. But it does help immensely if you can allow and appreciate your partner for who he or she is. See if you can notice 3 great attributes of your mate each day. Celebrate that and notice how much less you focus on the stuff that gets on your nerves.

Communication can be a tricky business. Sometimes even the mildest of subject can trigger one or both of you into an escalating argument. Practice becoming more aware of how you are feeling and the energy you are putting out to your mate and others. Learn how to calm yourself down so that you are clearer about what you want and open to listening to what your partner's needs are. Finally, we encourage you to not only allow your love to be the beautifully complex being he or she is, but also allow this for yourself